It’s the New Normal…Enjoy

Now is the time to relax and enjoy
The benefits of a warming planet...
Balmy Canadian winters,
The tinder-burst of California forests,
The creep of high tides into Miami living rooms.
Sunscreen will now start at SPF 500
And be layered as thick as mayonnaise,
Since waves of UV rays come in 
Through ozone as thin as Saran.
But, surely, there will be benefits, too...
Like frying eggs on a Honda's hood,
Or crisping fries on a window sill,
Or heating up a swimming pool,
So hot you can't swim in it.
Golf'll only be played at night;
Baseball will be played
In vast subterranean stadia,
Dug in places where permafrost once was.
And won't we be thrilled to have warm beer again...
Since bars will be as scorching hot  
As the cracked earth in Death Valley,
And 'frigid' will be dropped from the dictionary.