Plant-based meat... Is near meat, Mock meat, Fake meat, Something so close to meat That it might be confused with meat. But should we call this no-meat mix, Meat, Even if it looks like meat, And bleeds like meat, And spatters like meat And tastes like meat? Well, if only real meat needs The gruesome tools In the chopchop gloom of an abatoire, It alone should be known as meat. And the stuff that's blended In huge stainless steel lab vats Well it's not meat. And the real meat men of the fatted calf Don't care if you call it caviar, As long as you don't call it meat.