Magnus Scarfinger, Trying to get a reduced sentence At his parole board hearing, Volunteered to touch A plate from a just-invented Microwave oven To see if was as cool to the touch, As physicists said it would be... Even though the cheese on it Had melted. That put him two years closer to freedom, So he volunteered to drive a car Fifty miles an hour into a wall To test air bags, Hoping that would make him a free man. But the board thought a car Would be too much temptation. So he volunteered to be a vaccine tester And a food taster. He's recovering now from mushrooms, He was told were safe.